Dummies and the jungle

So we started off our day in Cincinnati the day by going to Jungle Jim's, the biggest, bestest and most entertaining grocery store in the whole wide world.


When you walk in, the first thing you see in a large Campbell Soup can swinging from a large, well, swing attached to the ceiling. And man that soup can looks happy. He also sings the Campbell Soup song every 15 minutes, as do displays of a bear dressed as Elvis, Lucky the Lucky Charms leprechaun and his cereal minions and Scooby Doo. (Too bad for all you reading this blog, but photography was strictly verboten!) These giraffes are outside, so whew, no one yelled, "Stop taking photos!" at us.

There is an international food section spanning from Great Britain to Asia and Holland to Mexico. There is even an aisle dedicated to hot sauce! Each aisle has themed characters hanging above the different countries. Great Britain has the Sherwood Forrest and Robin Hood. There is a fish market with a beach theme and live crabs in a tank for the pickin'. It's totally awesome!

See? http://www.junglejims.com/

Here are Laurel and Hardy discussing the amazing practicalities of shopping carts.

Tommy Bear loves his stroop waffles! An amazing Dutch treat of thin waffles held together by sweet molasses.

Delicious fresh sushi we purchased for lunch.

Next on our stop (really back tracking back to Kentucky) is the Vent Haven ventriloquist museum in Fort Mitchell, Ky. Let me tell you, it's not as creepy as you think. Actually it wasn't creepy at all, just awesome. Dummies aren't as scary when there's hundreds of them all staring at you at the same time. Unfortunately, we weren't able to take pictures to publish inside the museum because of copyright mumbo jumbo or something.

But here's the sign with a painting of a dummy, but if that and the photos of the museum brochure and of Marcie and Amanda posing in front of the museum doesn't do it for you (and really, it shouldn't), check out the story NPR did a couple years ago. Click here to go to NPR and check out their story and photos: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5544315

And here's William Shakespeare Berger (yes, that really was his name). He started collecting the dummies in 1910, and although he died in the 1972, his collection lives on at Vent Haven. There's more than 700 figures at Vent Haven, many dating back to the 1700s.

The museum is also home to the annual ConVENTion, the only international convention dedicated to ventriloquists and their dummies. We missed the convention by a few weeks. Poop.

* Note: We are very, very, very (did we mention very?) tired right now. Hope to be funny again in a post coming to you soon.

Goodnight in Ohio

After a day of traveling across Western North Carolina, Tennessee and Kentucky, Amanda and Marcie finally came to rest in Cincinnati, OH, where they crashed with Marcie's good friend from high school Jenn Kelleher.

No welcome to Ohio sign (it was on the bridge and Marcie and Amanda were woefully unprepared for that). Instead they were welcome by Jenn and her fiancee, Tim, and their pals. Here's Tim and one of his buddies at the Gaslight bar.

Here's Jenn, Marcie and Amanda getting ready to go home after a wild night of drinking one beer each. It was a good time, though. Amanda and Marcie played a few tunes on the juke box (Willie Nelson, Old Crow Medicine Show, James Brown and Johnny Cash) and were told by every other patron in the bar that they had never seen anyone actually use the juke box. We felt special.

We have Unbridled Spirit!

"The grass wasn't very blue," Amanda lamented after driving through Kentucky. "Last time I drove through, the grass was blue."

So that was a bit of a disappointment.

Actually, as much fun as we had trekking through the Unbridled Spirit state, there were a few other disappointments. (Well, not for Tommy. He had a blast practicing his acrobatic stunts atop the welcome center's sign.)


And propping himself up on a birdhouse at Aunt Polly's, where you could purchase coon skin hats and Bible-and-Rebel themed quilts (yes, on the same quilt) made just like grandma used to. And ice cream! (Although we didn't partake in that.) Also, Amanda would like to note at this point that Aunt Polly was located next door to the Kentucky Music Hall of Fame. It was closed, hence disappoint No. 2.

Now, disappointment No. 3, and this is a biggie. The Bible-themed mini golf course was a BUST! We drove through Lexington getting increasingly more excited the closer we got to the Promised Land of putt-putt, but when we pulled into the parking lot of a run-down Rec Center, tears began to set in. Only the arc, presumably Noah's, still existed. And no animals. No tomb, no water to wine, no dead men walking again and no leprosy cures. We are still getting over this.

We slowly came to terms with the sadness over the mini-golf letdown over munchies at a place simply known as "burgers and shakes." Marcie's chicken was just dandy, but the disappointment carried over into Amanda's small and unfulfilling $1.18 burger. But they gave us free fries!

Which Tommy enjoyed whilst sharing Marcie's Coke.

But there's still hope for Kentucky to show Amanda and Marcie what it's got. The Vent Haven museum, the world's only museum dedicated completely to ventriloquists and their dummies. Stay tuned, because they have a tour at 2 p.m. today!

Hello, Dolly!

It's not St. Louis, Dolly, it's Gatlinburg! Yes, home of the sweet songstress with the cutest darn figure you ever did see -- Dolly Parton. Amanda and Marcie honored this amazing musical legend by playing her greatest hits (and singing along, loudly, to 9 to 5 and I Will Always Love You) as they drove down the hectic main street.

Oh, Gatlinburg is a crazy town with more tourism sites than Myrtle Beach, Daytona Beach and Orlando combined.

And musicals! With flying angels, camels and Jesus! (Note for all you animal lovers... Camel rides are $2 off with a coupon. We got ours at the BP gas station although we didn't partake in the riding of said camels.)

And P.S. We haven't been able to do the beer at each new state thing because (1) we've been on the interstate the whole time and (2) we didn't have beer.

Our groovy first stop

Off I-40 somewhere in Tennessee. Gatlinburg (i.e. Dolly Parton's hometown) is about 30 minutes away and we're hoping to take a pic for ya'll in front of the Dollywood sign. (We know how disappointed everyone would be if we couldn't deliver such outstanding examples of Americana.)

Anyhow, our first stop has nothin' to do with Dolly. It's the hippest, Hippy internet cafe in all of rural Tennessee, Strange Brew. Photos of the Grateful Dead and some other long-haired musical folks smoking these funky little cigarettes are plastered to the bar and there's fun paintings on the wall. Here's one of Amanda enjoying her tea in front of an artwork called "Up, up and away." It features blue, green and purple mushrooms, bubbles and sperm.

On the road (finally!)

We started out at 6am today* and have only made it about 160 miles even though it's already 11:38. But it's all good because the fun has already started. First, with a pose outside the apartment building where Amanda and Marcie both lived in Hickory. The landlord named it the "Looney Bin" because so many looney folks live there. And the keys even say "LB #1" for apartment one. Very funny stuff...

So here's Marcie and Amanda at the Looney Bin, preparing to embark on the roadtrip goodness.

And this is Tommy Bear getting read to hit the road. He's super reckless and hates the seat belts for some reason... A real daredevil, ya know.

So that's all for now. More blogging to come. With adventures like a bear sitting on a dashboard and two girls standing in front of a building, we just know you can't wait for more on-the-road juicyness!

*Well, we set our alarms for 6am, but after a stop at the coffeeshop, organic food co-op and Cracker Barrel for an audio CD, it was really 7:22 by the time we actually hit I-40. And just so ya know, Cracker Barrel rents CDs on tape. You buy the CD and can exchange it at any other Cracker Barrel. We're starting off with "The Other Boylen Girl." Marcie wanted one of the Lemony Snickett books but was trumped by Amanda.

Introducing Tommy Bear

And Tommy, his namesake. Aren't they the cutest darn things you ever did see?

Tommy couldn't join Marcie and Amanda on their Excellent Adventure, so Tommy Bear is filling in for the real boy version. Tommy lives in the Looney Bin, too, so someone has to make sure the integrity of the place is maintained while Amanda is gone. We'll miss him!